[Mike trudges into the theatre, and puts Tom in his seat. A moment later, Crow enters.] > > Judgment Day > By Artemis CROW: We just hope you're not *too* inclined to undergo sudden, massive personality change, Mike. MIKE: Forget it. TOM: Don't mind if I do. > > > Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion is a copyright of Gainax co. > Elements of this fanfic are inspired by the movie > "Armageddon" by Touchstones Pictures. CROW: Hey, you got Evangelion in my Armageddon. TOM: Well, you got Armageddon in my Evangelion! > Most of the > characters in this fanfic are owned by Gainax co., so > please don't sue me!(I'm still too young for that, anyway!) MIKE: It'll be a grim day when fanfic authors are tried in juvenile court. CROW: If only because the regular system is too clogged with them. > > Note: From now on, unless otherwise noted, the time is based on U.S > Eastern Time and the place is in Miami, Florida. TOM: Say... wouldn't most of Florida be underwater after Second Impact? CROW: No wonder they packed swimsuits. > > > Part 3 > > Suite 4065, Sheraton Imperial Suites, Miami, Florida; 10:30 P.M TOM: We *could* have assumed the city and state. CROW: At least we get to assume the time zone. > > "Straight Flush!" exclaims Misato as she reveals her cards. "Try > and beat that!" she says once again, as she takes a sip out of her can > of Guinness, MIKE: Uh-oh. TOM: What *now?* MIKE: That's the brand she drinks in Neon Exodus Evangelion. CROW: [mildly curious] That some sort of infamous fanfic? MIKE: Is it ever! It's got-- TOM: Thank you, Mike. Let's not compound the horror. MIKE: [mumbled] Never even got to the love child of Fox Mulder and Lara Croft... > and lays back on her chair leisurely. TOM: A veritable Roman triumph. > "Well, I guess I have nothing left to offer you . . ." replies > Ritsuko in a desperate tone. CROW: [Ritsuko] ...Except my *love.* > "Hah!" exclaims Misato triumphantly, and is about to gather the > pile of money on the table when suddenly Ritsuko continues, "Except > for a Royal Flush, that is." TOM: Ah, the flush of victory. CROW: Naah, there's at least two thousand of those. > As Ritsuko slowly reveals her cards, > Misato feels as if an anvil has been dropped on her head. MIKE: Fortunately, the United States has long been the master of treating the heavy-object trauma of animated characters. > She > couldn't believe Ritsuko beat her again for the third time after only > a few minutes of a crash-course on Poker. MIKE: Count yourself lucky, Misato. Usually, it's the new pilot who gets to show off like that. TOM: We'll deal with that character when he finally shows up, Mike. MIKE: So you hope... > 'Then again, she is a > genius' she thought as she watches Ritsuko gathering her winning > streak, 'How difficult could a game of Poker be for the smartest brain > in NERV?" TOM: Well, obviously. Try whist--there's a *real* game! MIKE: [suddenly] An Evangelion-Jane Austen crossover? TOM: [casually] Could be interesting. Not that I'm *asking* for it, of course. > As Ritsuko gathers the unfortunate captain's two-month's earning, > Misato gets up from her seat, and starts towards the glass door of the > balcony. CROW: So you'll eat ramen noodles for the next two months--that's no reason to jump! > She sets her gaze to the cityscape outside; the various > lights of the tall buildings seem to remind her of something very > special to her. TOM: [Misato] Oh no... I left the hall light on! > "You're not going to open the door, are you?" says Ritsuko as she > light up a cigarette, CROW: [Ritsuko] Don't you want to appreciate the rich smell of tobacco? > "We're in the 40th floor, and the wind will > definitely ruin your hairstyle, just like this afternoon, as well as > your romanticism." > She smiles at her friend's remark, MIKE: While we blink in disbelief. TOM: No, confusion's more your style. > but it quickly fades away as > she kept her gaze towards the cityscape. "Ritsuko," she says, "Do you > think it's possible to still care for someone who has done you wrong > so many times?" CROW: You're down south. Turn on a country and western station, and you'll *have* your answer! > "What do you mean?" she asks as she sets down her cigarette on an > ashtray. TOM: [Ritsuko] And why are you always talking about *me?* > Misato turns around, and continues, "I haven't turned off the > communicator during the incident this afternoon, CROW: And, apparently, she still hasn't. MIKE: Don't you think its batteries will be dead by now? > and I could hear > Shinji calling out to the commander, and he sounded like he was very > concerned. TOM: [Misato] Especially when he asked for that advance on his allowance. > I don't know what you think about that, but I think that I > could never care so much for anyone who have abandoned me, like . . ." MIKE: Her hairdresser? TOM: Her milkman? CROW: Her favourite television personality? > "Like your father?" she finishes Misato's sentence, and Misato > nods weakly. TOM: Crunch those neck muscles, sister--and nod with *strength!* > Ritsuko takes her cup of coffee, takes a sip, and sets > it down before she finally continues, CROW: Boy, Ritsuko just loves it when people hang on her every word. > "I guess the question here is > not whether you loved the pebble in your shoe or not, but rather a > question if that pebble loved you." TOM: Gee. Even if I had a Ph.D., I don't think I could follow the logic in that one. > Misato looks up and says, "What are you saying?" MIKE: But isn't that what we're *all* saying? > Ritsuko takes her cigarette and replies, "I'm saying CROW: [Ritsuko] There's no tobacco in here, sister! > that it's > not whether you still care for that person, but whether or not that > person still cares for you." TOM: But her father's *dead.* MIKE: [Ritsuko] Oh. Sorry. > > > In the room next door, Ikari Gendo sat on a chair facing a laptop > computer on the table, one of the few possessions that the U.N had > managed to salvage from the wreckage of Unity-1. TOM: The rest of the dining room set, unfortunately, remained locked in its watery grave. > Although not many of > his possessions survived the crash, MIKE: I'm sure he's just heartbroken about his Steuben crystal collection. > Gendo was quite relieved to find > that his laptop remained unscratched. CROW: Because he's not going to find those... heh-heh... *special* files again! > As the computer displays the main screen, Gendo uses the touch- > pad of the laptop and clicks on an icon on the screen. MIKE: Sure, we joke about the implausibly explosive, no-expense-spared action sequences--but really, what action movie's complete without somebody using a computer? > The password > dialogue box appears, and Gendo type in his password. A chime > confirms the password to be correct, and a media player toolbar > appears. TOM: Actually, a few too many expenses have been spared. Sit back and observe every nuance of the art's designer's GUI. > Gendo presses the "Play" button, and after a few seconds of > loading time, CROW: It seems kind of sluggish to me. MIKE: Now we know how he saved the money to build the EVAs. > the screen went dark and the words "Shinji's 5th > Birthday" appears on the screen. The words are then replaced by a > recording of little Shinji waving at the screen. MIKE: This is a side of Gendo we haven't seen before. CROW: I'll say. Who knew he had a sweet tooth? > Gendo smiles an unusual caring smile as he sees little Shinji > running on the screen TOM: And then he dropped through it. > while Yui chases him around, CROW: Maybe that's it! Maybe he gets off on contrived chase sequences! > trying to make him > stand still TOM: I guess she shouldn't have fed him his birthday chocolates first, then. > and adjusted his shirt. MIKE: [sweetly] ...She made it so. TOM: Now don't *you* start! > He even kept his smile as the > whole procession unfolds in front of him: CROW: And there goes the marching band! > the blowing of the candles > as the children sang "Happy Birthday", the opening of the presents, > the games that the kids played, TOM: Pin the legs on the Lilith. MIKE: You're pushing your obscurity quota, Tom. Just thought I'd warn you. > and even until the end of the > recording where little Shinji slept soundly in his bed in his very own > room. MIKE: Kinda warms the cockles of your heart, doesn't it? CROW: It does *something.* I just don't want to know what. > "Our little boy is growing up," says Yui quietly on the recording > as the screen slowly darkens. TOM: Well, so much for the batteries. > Gendo presses the "Stop" button and > closes the laptop. CROW: What? He's not waiting to see "fin" drawn on the screen in an elaborate script? > He then joined his hands in front of him in his > normal calm gesture, MIKE: [holding steepled hands up] Here is the church, here is the steeple... > although this time there was a hint of sadness in > his face. MIKE: [moving hands apart] Open the doors, but where are the people? > 'Yui, you never know how much I miss you TOM: [Gendo] You never know anything else, but I'm not upset about *that...* > ever since that cursed > day . . .,' MIKE: And he hasn't been able to appreciate Boxing Day since. > he thought, 'Soon, Yui, we will be a family again: you, > me, and our son, just like we used to be . . ." CROW: Gendo, there *are* less elaborate ways to get other people to do your cooking. > > > Brooks Avenue; 1st Day of Launch Preparations, 9:17 A.M > "Well, it's about time Misato got us out of that training > center," says Asuka TOM: At a quarter after nine in the morning? CROW: And here they thought a union with three members would never amount to anything. > as she walks on the sidewalk, "I thought I would > vegetate there." MIKE: Well, hey--I was *unconscious* after my first fifteen minutes of astronaut training! > The three Children are walking down one of the > street of the city, doing some shopping to replace the things they > lost when Unity-1 crashed. TOM: I suppose the going just got tough. CROW: See--a regular, run-of-the-mill story would just have them sight-seeing. But not this story! > Actually, it was Asuka who was doing most of the shopping while > Shinji carries most of her shopping bags, MIKE: She may be a mallrat, but at least she can vindicate the rights of women while she's at it. > and Rei just followed both > of them around quietly. CROW: Inside, though, she was raging. Her Christmas shopping plans kept going out the window... > They have gone into numerous stores by the > wide and empty avenue, MIKE: Empty, that is, except for the Cuban exiles organising another protest against Castro. TOM: It's 2015. I don't think he'd still be around then. CROW: Oh, you'd be surprised, Tom, you'd be surprised... > but it seemed as if Asuka's "appetite" for > shopping hasn't been fulfilled. TOM: The world is full of empty, unfulfilled individuals... but some cope better than others. > Right now, Asuka leisurely walks > around on the sidewalk with a shopping bag on each hand while Shinji > try to juggle ten shopping bags on him. MIKE: A circus of values, huh? > "I still don't know why Misato -ugh- let us out," replies Shinji, CROW: Well, hey. This is *America.* Land of freedom, and land of privatised asylums! > as he manages to balance five shopping bags, piling up like a wobbling > tower that he has to support with both hands, while the rest of the > bags are divided on each hand. MIKE: How do you divide five bags between two hands? CROW: And the worst part of it is, he broke up the bag with the jelly beans in it. > "With 174 hours to spare, I think we > should be -whoa- training for the mission," CROW: [Asuka] Remind me to care when we get down to one hundred and sixty hours. TOM: Then it'll be night. CROW: [Asuka] Well, hey! We'll turn in, and be refreshed for the next morning! > he says again as he tries > not to topple the wobbling pile. > Asuka turns around, gives him a funny look, TOM: Don't you think you've given him *enough* of your stuff already? > and draws closer, > surveying his face. "What is it?" he asks. MIKE: [Asuka] There's enough space there to rezone! > She draws back, and replies, "Your surgeon did a very good job > with those lobotomy stitches." CROW: Suddenly, I'm expecting Asuka's EVA to jump on her as soon as she walks in the front door. TOM: Funny--I envision a thoughtful philosophic meditation on the human condition. MIKE: All I can see is Gendo on a bicycle. > Shinji blinks, and says, "What are you saying?" TOM: She's saying you're dense as uranium for questioning her spending spree. Is that really so hard to figure out? > Asuka smiles, and replies, "I'm saying, you're far too obedient, > Third Child. CROW: [Shinji] But I thought you'd like that... MIKE: We're not going there. > Whatever Misato says, you would do it. TOM: And never mind that they're following her orders in a desperate struggle for the very fate of humanity. He's a teen--he needs some *disrespect!* > You need to > lighten up a bit." She then continues to walk to a crossroad, and > point to the crossing sign. CROW: [Asuka] See the mass-produced perfection of the sign? Doesn't it just lift your heart? > "For example," she says, "The sign says not to walk. What do you > do?" ALL: [Shinji] STRUT! > "I'll wait for the sign to turn green, of course," he replies, MIKE: Must be a mood sign. CROW: Every so often, they get sensitive. > trying to acknowledge Asuka's point. TOM: The wrong way, of course--but what more does she want? > "See? You're just too obedient," she says, "What you should do > is to look around, and see if there are cars around. If there aren't > any, then you should cross. Like this." MIKE: [Asuka] So be sure and do things *my* way! > She then practices her word > by looking around for vehicles. CROW: Why, she even went past it! And here I was worried she'd miss the eighteen-wheeler. TOM: Hey, that's my line. > When she's sure that there are no > vehicles around, she quickly got on the road, turned around and says, > "See? Sometimes you gotta bend the rules if you wanna get somewhere." MIKE: [Shinji] You're absolutely right! My outdated values were keeping me off the pavement! > Unfortunately, Asuka didn't realize that at the same moment a > motorist on a red sports-bike was advancing towards her. TOM: At five miles an hour. > The motorist > was apparently glancing over the shoulder, CROW: Either that, or trying to fix his collar with his teeth. > as if making sure that he > wasn't followed. MIKE: And given the way he drives, he'd better be watching for people chasing him! > By the time the motorist looked back to the road, he > was already near to Asuka that he had just barely enough time to avoid > hitting her head on. CROW: You know, this is the exact opposite of those incomprehensibly rapid action sequences with their violent jump-cutting. > "Asuka, look out!!" cries Shinji, but when she turned around the > bike was already very near to her that she has no time to avoid it. MIKE: Somehow, Super-Slo-Mo isn't quite as impressive in text. > The side of the bike grazed Asuka and spins her as she fell to the > ground with a shriek; TOM: Say, just how is cause and effect working around here? CROW: Maybe she wanted him to run over her and go flying. > her bags fly from her arms and scatter their > contents on the street. The motorist himself, having his balance > disturbed by Asuka, MIKE: She does seem to have a pretty strong personality. > sways his bike, falls, and slides on the street a > few feet further away from the scene of incident. CROW: You know, I bet this is where the actor did his own stunt. > Fortunately for > him, his helmet, jacket, and hard jeans TOM: I guess stone-washed denim finally went out of fashion. > absorb much of the impact as > the friction with the asphalt slowly brings him to a halt. MIKE: Physics in action! CROW: I guess it had to make a cameo *somewhere.* > "Asuka!" cries Shinji again as he drops all of the bags to the > pavement BOTS: CRASH! MIKE: [Asuka] My collectible Coke bottles! You're going to *pay!* > and hurriedly runs up to her. Rei, who seemed somewhat > surprised by the incident CROW: See? Her eyebrow lifted. > but managed to keep her cool, follows Shinji > closely after making sure there are no other vehicles around. TOM: Rei Ayanami: Safety Scout! > "Asuka, are you alright?" he says again MIKE: When did he say it the first time? CROW: Oh, a couple of months ago. TOM: He cares. Really. > as he kneels down next to > her. > "Ouch, my ankle!" she whines, "It hurts!" Shinji peers down to > examine her ankles, CROW: And how about a quaintly old-fashioned fetish to take our minds off the silver Angel the size of Germany bearing down on the Earth? > and surely enough, her left ankle was bright red > and swollen. MIKE: Say... if the mads ever have another Invention Exchange, I know what we can make! Reinforced ankle guards, for female characters! TOM: [neutral] Keep working, Mike, keep working. > "I must have twist it or something," CROW: Maybe it's gout. > she says again as > she winces in pain. > Shinji turns around to take a look at the motorist who nearly > blind-sided Asuka a few moments ago. TOM: Yes, but what about his hopes, his dreams? What *really* defines him? > He could see that the motorist > is now dragging his motorcycle to the sidewalk. CROW: Yeah, he knows what's *really* important. > Having succeeded in > doing that, the motorist turns around towards them and starts to run > quickly towards them. MIKE: Look out--he's trying to finish the job! TOM: And not only that, but he's moving faster than his bike! > Shinji notices that aside from a few torns on > the jacket and jeans, CROW: Rip Torns? MIKE: Wow, he is good! His clothes were damaged in the past tense. > the motorist did not receive any serious > injuries. > Shinji then turns back towards Asuka and lift her in both arms. CROW: Hey, she's actually "in" his arms! TOM: Like I said--he cares. > "What are you doing?" she says with a bit of disagreement in her tone. CROW: [Shinji] Reminding you that I still have a claim on you! > Without replying, Shinji carries the injured girl back to the > sidewalk, and gently sets her down against a wall. MIKE: Or maybe he's just trying to protect her from the motorcyclist's next attack. > A few moments later, the motorist gets to them, and exclaims, > "I'm sorry, I didn't see her. MIKE: [motorcyclist] What with me watching for the people I'd *already* hit... > Is she alright?" The motorist then > kneels down next to Asuka, and takes off his red helmet. CROW: [Asuka] Hey, *I'm* identified with red around here! Find your own colour! > Shinji notes > that the motorist was actually a boy around 14 to 15 years old with > the same height as he is. TOM: Now *this* is an entirely unexpected development. CROW: Yeah--imagine somebody Shinji's age being the same height! MIKE: [slowly] Actually... I'm inexorably reminded of the most famous new pilot of all, DJ Croft. TOM: Oh, please. You only find that kind of coincidence in *fiction.* > He has a clear face, MIKE: Ink and paint's always been better than Clearasil. > and a set of hazel > brown eyes. CROW: As opposed to the mismatched eyes the rest of us peons make do with. TOM: Now don't *you* start! > His sandy-yellow hair was straight and short in length, > which was matted by sweat but still somewhat tidy (Note: Think Quatre > R. Winner from Gundam Wing). MIKE: [befuddled] Pretty-boy pilots? CROW: It's Disney's Gundam Wing! > His blue jeans came in contrast with his > black jacket, which has a picture of an Angel on the back CROW: Ooh--Sachiel! TOM: Naah--it has to be Zeruel. MIKE: Couldn't it be Michael? TOM: [pause] You have no idea what we're talking about, do you? MIKE: [shrugs] No, not really. > with the > writings "Made In Heaven". CROW: For shame! Don't you know those poor angels toil in sweatshop conditions for mere pennies so that clothing executives can line their pockets with stock options? > > > The motorist was very concerned of the girl's injuries. TOM: [rich kid] My premiums were *already* through the roof! > He > didn't have the slightest idea when he got up this morning that he is > going to blind-side a girl with his bike today. CROW: That's generally how you'd hope it to be. > He then casts a quick glance at the small group, MIKE: But nobody bothered to bite. > and quickly > notices a contrast between them. The boy was definitely Asian, and > the girl she injured CROW: Hey, I've heard all the stories about the Gundam Wing pilots. You don't have to start a *new* one! > has a European look with her long Auburn hair. TOM: But hey, you can get that out of a shampoo bottle! > But the weirdest sight was the other girl who was standing behind the > Asian boy: she looks neither European nor Asian. CROW: Somebody from *neither* of those two continents? MIKE: [tilts head] I can hear the picket lines going up already. > Her blue hair and > burning red eyes mysteriously conceals any clue of her origins. TOM: Although he had the faint impression of a character designer with a set of coloured pencils. > A strong blow on his cheek completely disturbed his thoughts, MIKE: Yeah, it'll do that to you. > sends the boy falling backward, and lands on his back. CROW: Wow! The punch went right through him! TOM: I guess somebody couldn't control the fist of death. > As he tries to > recover himself, he sees the injured girl lowering her fist. TOM: Careful--they're dangerous when wounded. > The > Asian boy was obviously surprised by her action, CROW: What's so surprising about it? She's just making the next move in that elaborate two-step called falling in love. TOM: We don't *know* that, Crow. CROW: I think we do indeed! > for his eyes and > mouth were gaped wide in disbelief, while the other girl only raises > an eyebrow at the spectacle. TOM: Looks like Rei's channelling Leonard Nimoy. > "What did you that for?!" he shouts, as he rubs his sore jaw. > 'Man, this girl packs a mean punch!' he thought. MIKE: I'll say, given that she hit his cheek. > "Dumbkof!" replies Asuka with fluent English, MIKE: Um... CROW: Oh, Mike, it's obvious. TOM: They're really speaking Japanese, right? We just have to *assume* they're speaking that when we see the English dialogue. MIKE: So what if she was really speaking German? CROW: Peruvian. Definitely Peruvian. > "You know what > that's for. Idiot!" > "Look, I said I'm sorry," he says again as he slowly got on his > knees, "You don't have to rub it in on me!" CROW: I always did wonder what you rubbed it in on. > "Sorry doesn't cut it, pal!" snarls Asuka, "You better watch > yourself 'cause I'm suing!" TOM: Actually, Asuka has adapted to life in these United States rather well. > Before the boy could reply, suddenly they were surrounded by a > bunch of men in black suits and dark glasses. ALL: [singing] Here come the Men in Black... TOM: I wish they'd make us forget this. > They quickly seized > Asuka, Shinji, and Rei by forcing them to face the wall. MIKE: So much for cause and effect. Again. CROW: Now, Mike, you know that the average teenager yields to authority whenever turned towards a brick wall. > Shinji > notices one of the men quickly handcuffed Asuka, CROW: Too bad the Miami Vice aren't as stylish as they used to be. TOM: At least they're keeping the streets safe. > an action which was > immediately followed by a series of German curses and thrashing, TOM: Ah, there's nothing like old-fashioned Teutonic resistance! > but > she was cut short when the sharp pain on her ankle returns. > "Are you alright?" says one of the men as he helps the boy gets > up. MIKE: Yes, sir--I know exactly why the rich kid was trying to get away from a squad as helpful as these men in black. > "Yeah I'm fine, I'm fine," he replies, somewhat irritated. CROW: He'd much rather have established his supremacy himself. Not that he's *really* complaining. > He > glances at the people who were holding down the three children. TOM: Oh, they're desperate characters, all right. > "It's > alright, you could let them go," he says to the men. MIKE: [MIB] But only if we want to, right? > One of them replies, "But she . . ." > "I said let them go!" he says again with a more authorative tone. CROW: [rich kid] I thought I'd made it clear that I *like* living dangerously! > The men quickly comply, and let the three Children go. > "What's going on?" Shinji whispers to Asuka. > "How am I supposed to know?" she replies, MIKE: [Asuka] I'm sure it's not like he's trying to *impress* me! > and quickly holds her > ankle again, "Ugh, my ankle!" CROW: Don't keep mentioning that, or they'll go straight for it when they want to slow you down! > One of the men in suits gets to the boy, and says to him, "You > shouldn't have ran away like that. It's too dangerous outside." MIKE: What with the motorcyclists tearing around and not looking where they're going, and the men in black jumping on teenagers... > The boy brushes off the dust on his jacket CROW: And you just know he left his clothing alone after the crash for just such an event. > and replies, "We > shouldn't be discussing this now, Captain. I just blind-sided this > girl, MIKE: He just admitted he crashed into Asuka! CROW: Well, it's not like he needs to worry about the law. > and she needs a medical attention right away." TOM: Just one, though. > "That could be arranged, but she has to come along with us first > for questioning," MIKE: And I bet it'll include asking about her insurance policy. > he replies with a coldness that reminds Shinji of > his father. CROW: Naah--insurance agents are *much* more evil and icy. > "For what?" asks Asuka. TOM: [MIB] For the Pepsi Challenge! > The man looks down at her, and says, "For a criminal offense of > assault and battery towards the First Son." > Asuka's mouth gape open and her eyes grows wider. CROW: [glancing at Mike] Nice of you to follow her lead, Mike. > Noticing the > change of expression, Shinji moves closer to her, and says, "Asuka, > what did he say?" MIKE: So... He's been going around unable to understand the English around him? CROW: At least he's not rocking the boat. > Without taking her gaze away from the other boy, she replies, > "Looks like I just beat up the President's son . . ." MIKE: Oh boy. TOM: Mike, this guy had *better* *not* be the new pilot! MIKE: Or what? TOM: I'm just saying. That's all. > > > President's Resting House; MIKE: And we all know how restful presidents find Florida. CROW: [chirpy tour guide] And the padding in *this* room was added by Rutherford B. Hayes... > 11:02 A.M > "Damn it!" mumbles Misato, as she paces nervously in front of an > antique table. "Stupid! Idiot!", she mumbles on, TOM: I thought this was supposed to be a *resting* house. CROW: Well, she's not *throwing* the furniture, is she? TOM: Your point is taken. > "Arrrgh! I knew it > was a mistake to let them out with Asuka!" TOM: It's "Teenage Strangler" for the new millennium. > The four NERV executives have been asked an hour ago for an > audience at the resting house on behalf of the President of the United > States. CROW: He's going to try out his hilarious new standup comedy routine on them. > While they were waiting in the tastefully decorated Victorian > guestroom, TOM: They would have had to wait in the Gerald Ford room with its avocado green recliners, but there was already a tour group in there. > a representative came in earlier and told them what the > matter is, MIKE: And here they were hoping they had been invited to the Chief Executive's Tupperware party. > thus started Misato's nervous pacing. > "Would you calm down and have a seat?" says Ritsuko calmly as she > lift her cup of coffee from the table, "It's not that serious." TOM: Just so long as she has her coffee. > With > that, she takes a sip of her coffee. MIKE: Ritsuko Akagi *IS* Too-Much-Coffee-Woman! > "What do you mean, it's not that serious?" she replies as she > takes her seat next to Ritsuko, TOM: And the big-screen television in front of them switched on. MIKE: Watch it, Tom. It could happen. CROW: So? One more group to take the load off us. > "We're here to get their help, and > Asuka's action is not helping us at all." CROW: Come on--it was the perfect icebreaker! > "I have to agree with Dr. Akagi, Captain," says Fuyutsuki, "No > matter how serious this is, it will not ruin our mission. TOM: Tragically, at that moment, his feet were scarring the coffee table. The President took one look and let the world be destroyed to spite them. MIKE: And let me guess--"The End." > The > President is still a human, CROW: Oh, that's what *you* think. > and I'm sure he wanted to survive from all > this." MIKE: Well, that really depends on how Congress took his latest State of the Union address. He's sensitive, you know. > At that, the wooden double-door gently opens up, and an elderly > man steps in. ALL: [hum "Hail to the Chief"] > He was in his thirties, MIKE: An elderly man... In his thirties? CROW: Hey. Running the free world, raising a teenage son... It takes a lot out of you. > medium height, and has an air > of a responsible leader all around him. TOM: No, wait, that was aftershave. > His hair was light brown with > a few small patches of white hair here and there. CROW: Getting a little stingy with the Grecian Formula, are we? > His hazel brown > eyes eyed the guests with respect and dignity. TOM: Major Katsuragi, how would you say the President eyed you? CROW: [Misato] With respect and dignity. TOM: I see. And Doctor Akagi, how would you describe it? MIKE: [Ritsuko] Pretty much the same. TOM: Right... Look, I'll get back to you. > His lips formed a > smile, and he greets his guests with a warm voice. MIKE: And who says cynicism and negativity predominate when you deal with politics these days? > "Welcome to the > United States, ladies and gentlemen," he says, CROW: [President] Here's your complimentary cheese basket. > as he signals the two > men on the door to get in. > The men quickly complies, MIKE: All the President's Men. TOM: And there's only one of them. > and takes out four > communicator/translator from their pocket, CROW: Hey, it must be one of those dimensional pocket thingeys! Neat! TOM: No--they'd produce a mallet then. > walks down to the guests, > and hands them each one communicator, MIKE: And here I was thinking Ritsuko and Misato would be fighting over how one of them got two communicators and the other was left out. > except for Gendo who politely > refused the offer with a lift of a hand. TOM: He knows machinery isn't going to help the grammar around here. > The two men then quickly > gets to the double door and closes them. > As the President sits on a seat across the medium, MIKE: So they're going to hold a seance? > exquisite > table, Misato gets up and says hastily, "Mr. President, before we > start on anything, I would like to apologize of what happened to your > son. Asuka is . . ." CROW: Eating a marshmallow sundae? Getting a facial? Come on, dish the dirt! > "Oh, don't worry about it, Ms. Katsuragi," says the President, as > being translated in the communicator, "In fact, it's me who should > apologize of what my son have done to Ms. Souryuu." TOM: [Misato] Uh... right. [aside] She's gonna hate us... if she survives. > "Where are the Children now, sir?" asks Fuyutsuki as Misato sits > back on the sofa. > "Oh, my son are showing MIKE: Say, does this have something to do with how the pilots are sometimes called "the Third Children" and stuff like that? TOM: Actually, no. > them around the house. Ms. Souryuu's > injuries are not too bad, so she is currently with them now. CROW: Oh, that's just great. One of them can finish the job now! > We could > speak more freely that way," he replies. TOM: You could have got much the same results by sitting them in front of a video game console. Less risk to life and limb, too. > "What is it that you wish to speak to us, Mr. President?" asks > Gendo, with a surprisingly fluent English, MIKE: Granted, not "the" surprisingly fluent English. But close enough. > in a respectful yet cold > manner. > At his remark, the President pauses, as if Gendo's words have > struck the heart of the matter. CROW: And here he was planning to spend half an hour grooming his visitors for fleas. > He slowly gets up, turns around, and > orders the two men on the door to leave the room. TOM: Well, sure! I wouldn't want two Spider-Men hanging on a vertical surface to listen in on my delicate conversations. > As they disappeared > behind the double door, the President slowly sits back on his seat, CROW: One of these scenes, somebody's going to snap and sit on someone else's lap. At least, that's what I'm hoping. > and continues, "The reason why I invited you here is to discuss about > something that concerns my son, Adam . . ." MIKE: [President] And the grapefruit he has to sell to finance his school band trip. > > > "You're what?!" says Asuka as she blinks in disbelief, almost > dropping her glass of cold orange juice to the floor. CROW: The juice was almost loose! > The First Son nods in approval, and replies, "I'm the designated > pilot of Eva Unit-03, code-named: the Fifth Child, Adam Traeger." MIKE: You know, you'd think that most people would recognise the name of the son of the President. TOM: Come on, Mike. You spent an evening playing Scrabble with Chelsea Clinton without ever recognising her. MIKE: She never told me her last name! > The children were now lounging leisurely inside Adam's richly > decorated Victorian-style bedroom CROW: He would have picked the bedroom decorated in early Playboy Mansion, but he knows you never get a second chance to make a first impression. > after their tour around some parts > of the resting house. TOM: Such as the linen closet and the root cellar. CROW: [chirpy tour guide] Which was installed by Millard Fillmore. > The room, according to Asuka, was that suitable > for a prince: MIKE: [Adam] Oh, so suddenly it isn't good enough for the First Son? > quite large in size with three glass doors CROW: Aaw, but that takes all the fun out of making a deal! > that connects > to the balcony on the garden. > On the South end of the room, next to the entrance, was a > fireplace with the frames made out of white marble. TOM: Oh, boy. Wake me when the intense interior decorating action is over. MIKE: Come on, Tom. You can make it. > On each side of > the fireplace CROW: Outside it *and* inside it? > were antique chairs made out oak wood and fine silk, > obviously intended as a place of comfort during the cold season. CROW: The cold season... in Florida? TOM: No, it's metaphoric. Adam's dad takes comfort in them whenever his pecadillos become a part of our shared comedic heritage. MIKE: That's the spirit. > On > top of the fireplace was a huge mirror with golden colored frame. TOM: What? Only "coloured" gold? How disillusioning. > Another mirror was placed on the West end MIKE: "The West End"--the animated Saturday morning spinoff to The West Wing. > of the room, on top of a > small wooden drawer with a basket of fresh fruit on top of it. CROW: Wow! Oranges! MIKE: Boy, the powerful sure know how to live it up. > Rei > was quietly standing next to the drawer, a glass of water in hand, TOM: Now there has to be deep significance in *this.* MIKE: The same significance as a new pilot who looks like a refugee from Gundam Wing and just happens to be the son of the President of the United States? TOM: [sighs] Why do I even bother? > as > she watches the others engaged in a conversation. CROW: We hope you've enjoyed this display of the interior decorator's art. We now return you to the semblance of a story, already in progress. > "I was gonna' keep this as a secret, CROW: [Adam] Given how people usually beat me up whenever I mention it... > but then you guys told me > that you were Eva pilots, so I just thought to give it away," TOM: He's going to fit in very well in their highly secretive and bizarre conspiracy. Yes, indeed. > says > Adam again. He was wearing a light pink shirt, MIKE: [sadly] They said I was crazy. TOM: [flatly] Did they say why? MIKE: [sadly] I wore a pink shirt. > white pants, a black > vest, and a pair of black shoes. His almost formal attire CROW: The operative word being "almost." > almost > completely eliminates the fact that he was the motorist who > blind-sided Asuka this morning and forced her to sit on a wheelchair. MIKE: Uh... TOM: Um... CROW: That reminds me. I need to take a trip to the haberdasher's soon. > "Wonderful!" replies Asuka sarcastically, "First you nearly > killed me, now you're an Eva pilot too?! MIKE: And you know what she's *really* upset about. > What is this, April Fool?!" TOM: [Adam] Close enough. Smile--you're on Candid Camera! > "Why? What's wrong on being an Eva pilot?" he replies, somewhat > puzzled at her remark. CROW: Not that there's anything wrong with trying to kill somebody. > "Why?! I'll tell you why! Because . . ." Asuka falls short of > words at that point. MIKE: We know what you're really trying to say, Asuka. Just take your time. > "Because . . ." she tries again, but couldn't > put her tongue into it. TOM: A good specialist should be able to help with that. > 'Yeah, what is wrong on being an Eva pilot?' > she thought, 'Why do I despise other Eva pilots except myself?' CROW: [casually] Take one more look at the people around you. TOM and MIKE: *Hey!* CROW: [cheerful] Why, I didn't know you cared. > "Never mind . . ." she sighs, which left Adam with a puzzled look > on his face. At that, Shinji turns on his headset. MIKE: So he still hasn't bothered to understand what's being said? TOM: Why, he's the smartest person in the room after all! > Seeing his > gesture, Adam puts on his translator that was on the bed next to him. CROW: Sure, he couldn't comprehend somebody speaking his own language-- but *technology* will lead to true understanding! > "Do you know why they chose you as an Eva pilot?" Shinji says, > as translated on the headset. MIKE: Is that anything like "as seen on TV?" > "I think they have a good reason why they chose me as a pilot." > "Which is?" CROW: [Adam] I really pull in the female demographic. TOM: Not to mention providing inspiration for endless slashfics. > Adam sighs. "It is because . . ." > CROW: Wow, a scene break! I bet the explanation will be *really* keen! > > ". . . your son was born on the same day Second Impact occurred, > Mr. President," says Ritsuko, CROW: What? That's the same reason as anyone else! Ripoff! TOM: Not quite. However, the date--and how he looks--sets up a truly delicious comparison with the *real* Fifth Child. MIKE: And his favourite colour and shoe size let us invoke a devastating historical reference. TOM: Uh, my comparison actually means something. MIKE: [obviously humouring him] Sure it does, Tom. Sure it does. > "Such a fact would prove to be very > useful to defend ourselves from the Angels." MIKE: [President, indignant] Oh, and there isn't something important about how he's *my* son? > "How is that possible?" replies the President, CROW: I'm sure his touching innocence went over well, but I'd still want to wait for the judgment of history. > still trying to > keep his cool. No doubt there were signs on his face that he had > hoped against NERV's will. TOM: I don't know how effective a president with a neon sign on his face would be. CROW: Yeah, but he'd be really great at parties. > "Evas could only be controlled by a child that was born near the > Second Impact. The fact that Adam, your son, was born on the day of > Second Impact could also mean that his synchronization ratio with an > Eva would be . . ." MIKE: Contrived. > "Yes, I know" he says again, interrupting Ritsuko's explanation, CROW: Whoa! You know he's powerful. > "Your Branch 1 has requested a sync test for Adam four months ago, and > the result, as they said, was outstanding." > "87% ratio, yes we know," replies Ritsuko casually. CROW: Say... what *is* a normal synch ratio, anyway? TOM: I'm not really sure. MIKE: Well, there are two possibilities in these fanfics... too high, and *way* too high. > The President slowly gets up from the chair and walks slowly > towards the window, gazing dreamily to the cityscape. He pauses for > quite a while there before he finally says, MIKE: And now the President's taken over Ritsuko's role. TOM: Well, some things *must* stay constant. > "Adam was the only reason > left for me to live my life. CROW: [President] Well, that and laying preparations to assume leadership of the free world. But hey, it *did* make Adam happy... > My wife died when she delivered him, TOM: [President] And *I* got stuck holding the COD slip. MIKE: [slightly impressed] Wow, now that's dark. > at > that faithful day of the Second Impact." CROW: Ah, Second Impact. You *know* you can depend on it! > "I promised Jill, my wife, as I held Adam in my arms that I would > protect him from harm. I would do anything in my power to keep him > happy and safe." MIKE: And letting him tear around on a motorcycle fits into this how... CROW: Well, you can keep a teenager happy, or you can keep him safe. Your choice... > He then lowers his head, TOM: You can almost hear the servo-motors whining. CROW: [tilts head] Funny--*I* don't need an upgrade to hear *that.* MIKE: Easy, there. > sighs, and continues, "But > now, all humanity rests their survival on my son. MIKE: Whatever happened to the good old days, when characters could say how wonderful and amazing they were themselves? > It would be selfish > of me to refuse your proposal, CROW: [President] But doggone it, *I* want to do some power-angsting! > but if anything happens to Adam, I'm > not sure how I could face Jill when I died. TOM: Well, hey--what makes you think you'll even go to the same place? > I'm not sure what to do . > . ." > Ritsuko sees that the veil of an authorative leader starts to > lift from the man's face. CROW: Most people use cosmetics for that effect. They stay in place, too. > She sees in its place a weary man who is > pleading for his son's life to them. She begins to feel uncertain of > the whole plan of Adam's appointment TOM: Oh, sure! The Earth's going to come to an end, but at least she won't have tragically separated a father and son just before it happened! MIKE: She's a shoo-in for the Humanitarian of the Year award. > when Gendo stands up and says, > "Mr. President . . ." > "Please, call me Bill." > "Mr. President," insist Gendo, MIKE: Wow. Intense cut and thrust of debate here, guys. > "My son is the pilot of Eva-01, > and my wife disappeared during the test activation of Unit-01. My > loss is the same as yours, TOM: [Gendo] Only a little bit *more* angsty! > but we must not mourn for our loss at times > like this. Instead, we must CROW: [Gendo] Organise a kegger! Whoo! > think of the future of those who survived > Second Impact." TOM: [Gendo] Either that, or just learn not to *care.* > "Your son has been offered a chance to give humanity a surviving > chance against the Angels. MIKE: Which should affect the Vegas odds at least a bit. > Whether you give him this chance or not is > entirely in your hands. But know this, Mr. President, the death of > 2.5 billion people would be in your hands CROW: And by now, his hands are getting just a little overloaded. > if you refuse to take this > last resort. TOM: Oh, but now the tourist agent's office must be just mobbed. > Good day." With that, Gendo starts toward the door. > "Mr. Ikari!" calls the President with such an authorative tone > that made Ikari Gendo falls short in his steps. MIKE: And who says that the President has no real power any more? > He turns around and > looks at the man near the window who turns around towards him. TOM: I feel like this scene should have come with a square dance caller. > "It would be a dark day when we let our children do the fighting > for us," he says. > Gendo coolly fixes his glasses CROW: I'm running out of "fixed his glasses" jokes, guys. MIKE: Maybe the story's running low on them, too. TOM: So *you* hope. > and draws his cold smile. CROW: But hey--that's new? So what did he use? Pastels or charcoal? TOM: Charcoal, definitely. Pastels are too... warm. > "We are > living in those days, Mr. President," he says afterwards. MIKE: Wow. Not just a dark *day.* TOM: Ah, there's nothing quite like crushing somebody's spirit in passing. > > > That afternoon, an official received a quite large package > addressed to Adam Traeger CROW: Unfortunately, that official was the commissioner of the National Football League. > with no return address and only a symbol of > NERV plastered on the top of the container. MIKE: And we all know how much the very important love getting large packages dubiously attributed to unlikely sources, right? > After a thorough safety > inspection and a confirmation with NERV, TOM: Ooh, trusting NERV. They just made their first mistake... > the package was then > delivered to the Fifth Child who opens it with much anticipation. CROW: [Adam] This is going to be the best birthday *ever!* > Inside of the container was a security clearance card with his > picture and identities on them, TOM: Ah, but which one is his *secret* identity? > a book which reads "Welcome To NERV" > on the front MIKE: And contained a selection of valuable coupons. > and a bulk of black fabric underneath. As he pulls the > object, he realized it was a black and white plug-suit, designed > specifically to fit him. CROW: Typical. You save a present for last, and it's the clothing. > > > Suite 4065, Sheraton Imperial Suites; 10:49 P.M TOM: Phew. What a day. CROW: Oh, the day was fine. It was the *hours* in it that got to me. > "Straight Flush!" exclaimed Ritsuko as she triumphantly reveals > her cards. CROW: This is turning into a routine. MIKE: It's "The Odd Couple" for the twenty-first century. > "Oh man!" Misato moans, as she slumps herself to the table TOM: And she has to do everything herself. > and > watches as Ritsuko gathers her money yet again. "You cheat, didn't > you?" CROW: [Ritsuko] That's such an ugly word. I prefer "planned probability correction." > "How could you cheat luck?" Ritsuko replies as she finishes > gathering the money from the table. MIKE: Look on the bright side, Misato. At least you're not losing to the new pilot. > She was wearing her new clothes > that she bought with the money she won last night: TOM: Sure--rub it in Misato's face! CROW: And the worst part is that it reminds her of the exchange rate. > a black skirt and a > light-blue T-shirt which says "Surfin' USA". MIKE: That's pretty much what she already wears without the lab coat, isn't it? TOM: Well, you don't want to go off model too quickly. > "You tell me, oh great Mother Brain of NERV!" says Misato again > as she took a big gulp from her can of cold Bud. TOM: [moderately cheerful] Hey--that's a change from the start of the fanfic. CROW: Yeah, but at this rate, she'll wind up drinking Schlitz. > A few drops of beer > fall on her light-green tank top and all over her white cut-off jeans. CROW: The line between fan service and beer commercial is really very thin indeed. > "You're a pig, you know that?!" wince Ritsuko as her friend gives > a long, loud and rude burp. MIKE: At least she's generous. > "Heh, beer is the joy of living!" she replies. TOM: And here I thought happiness was to be approached only through anguished internal monologues set against a backdrop of still frames. > Her expression > then changes to seriousness as she places her beer on the table. CROW: And nothing's more serious than putting your beer down. > Her > face signals a really deep thought that Ritsuko can't help but wonder. MIKE: Wow. Her mere expressions communicate deep thoughts. Why, she could command in mime! > "What is it?" she asks her. > "Hmm? Oh, I'm just thinking about this morning . . ." TOM: [Ritsuko] Unbelievable, isn't it? > She took a sip from her cup of coffee, CROW: You may want to look at your java dependency before you start questioning Misato's drinking habits, Ritsuko... > and says, "About Adam?" TOM: [smugly] Boy, can I call them, or-- > "Yeah . . . I mean, he's lucky he has a caring father, TOM: Bah. She's *praising* him. CROW: Well, it's *sort* of a successful prediction. > unlike two > people here that I know . . ." replies Misato as she look dreamily at > a painting of a sunset at a beach. MIKE: Great. Adam stays in a house decorated in the Victorian style, and they're stuck with Early Hilton. > "You might be surprised, captain," she says as she sets down her > cup, "Gendo and your father might have cared for their children even > much greater than you thought. TOM: [Ritsuko] Those parcels marked from Santa Claus had to come from somewhere... CROW: [Misato] You *lie!* > I mean, the fact that you lived is a > proof of how great your father's love for you" MIKE: There's a hymn title in there somewhere, but I'm not going to be the one to pull it out. > "Hmm . . ." she replies dreamily, "So the pebble in my shoe still > loves me . . ." TOM: And I'm sure she'll remember that as she shakes the pebble out of her footwear to emote on the side of the road. > "You could put it that way . . ." she says as she lift her cup > again and took a final sip from it. CROW: Sure, Ritsuko can quit at *any* time... > > > In the room next door, Gendo stares lovingly at the image of Yui > holding the 4-year-old Shinji on one arm. His eyes grew compassionate > as he whispers, "Yui . . ." MIKE: You wouldn't think a feisty pink-shirted new pilot could do all of that, but they've got their ways. > > > To Be Continued > > > Author's Note : First of all, I'd like to apologize for not being able > to continue the story throughout the summer. TOM: [chuckling slightly] Ah, the unnecessary apology. Where would the world be without it? > I have to > deal with my own problems of moving to a new school > after the summer vacation. MIKE: Oh, come on! You can conquer those problems vicariously through the agency of your new pilot! TOM: And then we have to deal with it. MIKE: Well, yes. > What's more, the new school > haven't installed any Internet access until around > Thanksgiving, CROW: Which got all the students nicely distracted just in time for finals. Their master plan is working perfectly! > which is quite understandable since it's > in the middle of nowhere in Arizona. TOM: Which is a redundancy all in itself. MIKE: Now, hey. Arizona's got a pro hockey team now--it's moving up in the world! > Now, even though > the summer is over and "Armageddon" was now a > yesterday's news, CROW: And not even *the* yesterday's news. MIKE: But that's strangely inspirational. CROW: How so? MIKE: Every bit of pop culture that we agonise over must eventually fade with exposure to where it can no longer harm us. Time's on our side! TOM: Yeah, but the march of time also brings us *new* bits of pop culture to agonise over. MIKE: Well, that too. > I hope you guys won't mind reading my > story. CROW: Oh, I assure you--our opinions would stay the same, no matter where we might find Armageddon! > As usual, write suggestions to me at > artemis156@hotmail.com (no flames, please!). TOM: We will be strong. MIKE: I appreciate that. > I would > really appreciate them. CROW: Hey--everybody's got something to appreciate! > Well, see you next episode, > and I promise this sort of thing wouldn't happen again > next time. TOM: So we won't see a new pilot who manages to be both the President's son *and* an inspiration to fanfic creators? Things are looking up! > See ya! MIKE: Well, let's go. [Mike picks up Tom, and follows Crow out of the theatre.] [...1...2...3...4...5...6...] [SOL bridge. Crow, Tom, and Mike enter from stage right.] CROW: I mean, there are adolescents who pilot giant war robots. And, unlikely as it may seem, there are adolescents who are related to national leaders. But when you put them together--*then* you'd better hope your disbelief's into levitation. TOM: [slightly pointed] What do you think, Mike? You're the *expert* on these things around here. MIKE: [briefly surprised] Huh? Oh, I was actually thinking about just a bit of the experiment... Adam's motorcycle. TOM: Ah. The old stratagem of concentrating on a tiny implausibility to keep your brain from melting down completely. MIKE: No, it wasn't quite that... I mean, DJ Croft drives one. Tom Dyron drives one. And now, Adam Traeger drives one. I'm starting to sense a trend. TOM: Yeah. Why don't the new pilots just drive sports cars or something? CROW: Come on, Tom. Who'd believe a fourteen-year-old driving a *car?* MIKE: Actually, Jon Ellison drives a car. So does Jim Beckett. TOM: You can prove anything with *examples.* MIKE: [thoughtfully] Well, when you think about it, there's actually a strong motorcycle influence in anime already. TOM: Oh, yeah... what with Mospeada and Megazone 23-- CROW: --and Akira and Bubblegum Crisis. MIKE: So we can ask why motorcycles, in the first place. TOM: Maybe it's something deep within Japanese culture. MIKE: Or maybe it's just because they're easier to draw than cars. CROW: No--I blame Fonzie. TOM: [after a pause] Well... that's sort of an explanation. MIKE: But we still haven't really answered why all these new pilots resort to motorised transportation. CROW: It's obvious--to make them look cooler. TOM: But why can't they just be satisfied with piloting a giant humanoid war machine? MIKE: That's their *work* machine. They need something for when they're off duty. TOM: But there has to be something less out of place than sticking a fourteen-year-old on a motorcycle. MIKE: Like a skateboard or rollerblades? CROW: Naah. Any average fourteen-year-old can use those. No, they need something *distinctive!* TOM: [suddenly] Like a land yacht. MIKE: Or a hang glider. CROW: How about a little red wagon? TOM: Maybe a roller skate-mounted dog sled. MIKE: Or for when you want to get there in style--a hot air balloon! CROW: Well, that's maybe a *little* impractical. How about an adorable *donkey!* TOM: That's got a bit too much religious symbolism for my tastes. Two words for you--pogo stick. [The commercial light flashes.] MIKE: We'll be right back... once we've exhausted all means of nonmechanised transportation. CROW: Or maybe an ordinary bicycle, the kind with the big front wheel! Now *that* would be distinctive on the road! [Mike hits the light.] [commercials]